Coincidenze da cogliere e accogliere

Il pensiero di te, certi giorni era cosi forte e inteso che se mi fossi fermato un istante, sarei riuscito a tirarti fuori dalla mia mente per abbracciarti. Non capitava spesso, ma abbastanza frequentemente da avere ancora un ricordo cosi vivo di quelle emicranie che non sapevo mai spiegarmi perché arrivavano cosi  improvvisamente in quelle giornate apparentemente quiete, nelle quali non c’è ne freddo, ne caldo, quelle giornate che profumano di fiori appena sbocciati mentre la rugiada notturna evapora sotto i primi raggi del sole, e di oceano dopo la marea, ma anche di grano mietuto, di mandorli in fiore, di ciliegie appena raccolte. Ecco! Ci sono arrivato, era sempre primavera quando accadeva, anche in pieno autunno, nel periodo dell’ora solare, sotto il sole cocente di agosto, quando pensavo a te era sempre la più bella delle quattro stagioni, perché tu profumavi ed eri la primavera anche nella mia mente.

Il tempo che mi separava dallo stare insieme sembrava un eternità, e anche se poi non ho mai capito come misurarla questa eternità, forse alla fine una cosa l’ho scoperta, che se non la si può misurare la si può descrivere . L’eternità è quella sensazione di vuoto e di insofferenza che mi rimaneva dentro fino al momento in cui non riuscivo a stringerti fisicamente tra le mie braccia, questa è l’unica descrizione plausibile che posso dare, perché del resto non serviva averti fisicamente con me  per sentirti presente, di te ero pieno in ogni attimo della mia giornata, non serviva guardarti negli occhi per capire cosa pensassi, sapevo esattamente a cosa stavi pensando in quel preciso istante, anche a mille chilometri di distanza, non avevo bisogno di sentire neppure il tuo profumo, perché lo avevo così impresso nel mio naso, che a fatica riuscivo a sentire gli altri odori, e non era necessario neppure sentirti parlare, domandarti come stessi, perché ciò che mi legava a te andava oltre le parole, una linea sottile ci ha sempre tenuti uniti attraversando ogni confine, spazio e tempo, e quindi ogni corporalità non era che il colmare quel vuoto e l’insofferenza che mi attanagliava il cuore nei momenti di lontananza.  E poi, quando finalmente ti vedevo, ti avevo con me, avrei voluto che quella eternità si trasformasse all’inverso, per non allontanarmi più da te, ma in realtà poi succedeva che il tempo ci scivolava addosso e svaniva via senza poterlo trattenere. Dio quanto eri bella! Ma che dico bella, che parola stupida per descrivere la tua dolcezza, la tua genuinità il tuo candore, tu eri tu.

Riuscivi a trasmettermi la serenità anche in mezzo ad un mare in tempesta, eri un faro sempre acceso per il mio umore, i tuoi occhi avevano un espressione misteriosamente unica quando mi guardavi, ed io, lo notavo sempre, non ricordo di aver visto quello sguardo in nessun’altra circostanza, se non quando anche per caso ti voltavi e mi osservavi. Avevi gli occhi da cerbiatto, da Bambi, e per quante ore abbia passato a guardarti, occhi negli occhi senza dire neppure una parola, penso non siano state mai abbastanza, perché di te non mi saziavo mai. Amavo l’attesa del tuo ritorno, la sensazione di quel tempo che sembrava  troppo, e poi troppo poco, mentre ti stavo per preparare una sorpresa, una cena, una lettera, o una coreografia stupidamente sexy, perché i dettagli finali volevo che fossero perfetti, perché tu per me eri perfetta, eri il dettaglio che rendeva uniche le mie giornate, eri il particolare che dava un senso diverso alla mia vita, un po’ come l’accordo di una musica, il punto al compimento di una frase, o il tramonto alla fine di una giornata. Tu eri tutto ciò che la scienza non potrà mai spiegare, e forse neppure nella ricerca in miliardi di testi letterari si riuscirebbero a trovare i giusti paragoni, ma in fin dei conti perché bisognerebbe spiegarlo? Le cose più affascinanti, le più uniche, sono quelle a cui non si può dare spiegazione, quanto meno al mondo e alla gente, perché quando conti veramente per qualcuno non serve spiegare, perché al cuore non serve ragione, lui non pensa, ed il mio non ha mai fatto eccezione quando sei entrata a fare parte della mia vita.

 

C’è chi dice che è tutto scritto nel destino, che non possiamo fare nulla per cambiarlo, chissà se è vero, chi può dirlo, io non ci credo poi cosi tanto a questo destino, mi piace più pensare che ci sono coincidenze da sapere cogliere e accogliere, e tu sei stata la coincidenza più bella che i miei occhi abbiano mai visto, e che il mio cuore abbia mai saputo accogliere, ed oggi che il destino ha deciso per entrambi, tu fai parte di me nonostante non lo sia.

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Questo articolo ha 157 commenti.

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    “Tu eri tutto ciò che la scienza non potrà mai spiegare, e forse neppure nella ricerca in miliardi di testi letterari si riuscirebbero a trovare i giusti paragoni…”
    Mi sono persa nei tuoi pensieri così intensamente, con occhi sognanti, immaginando ogni istante di ciò che hai scritto come se fossi stata li, dietro le quinte della tua vita….

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